Unlocking A Deeper Identity: A Time to Move Beyond Gender

Random Acts of Vulnerability Blog: Volume 1, September 2020

“If you don’t challenge yourself...if you are not stepping into a new arena where you don’t have an experience, then you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to create something dramatically new.” -Aloe Blacc I will never forget the day that I was informed that my staff was expected to attend a mandatory professional development workshop centered on LGBTQ+ and Gender Identity. While I envisioned myself as completely open to everyone and everything with respect to my job, I found myself conflicted. I was plagued with deep mixed emotions. I felt excited that I would have the opportunity to learn more about my students and staff whom I loved. Yet, I also was fearful that I might be sending a message that could conflict with much of what I blindly learned as a kid growing in the African American Baptist church.

Little did I know, the training would revolutionize how I saw myself, my purpose and my unconditional commitment to marginalized people in a holistic mirror of the world. I learned so much about how our gender is assigned at birth as well as about terms like intersex, gender identity, gender expression, cisgender, transgender, non-binary gender and so much more. For the first time I was able to clearly recognize the difference between sexuality (who you are attracted to) and gender identity (who you are). Last but not least, I can recall a statistic that connected to my soul. Having one supportive adult cuts the chance that an LGBTQ+ youth will attempt suicide by 40%. As I sat in my office after the workshop, I was drowning in the shame that I had about not seeking out this information earlier. Shortly thereafter, I declared my stance in the fight for social equity and justice. I am pro-humanity over everything and that includes all people regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity and other factors used to marginalize people for being themselves.

What were the take home messages?

It was time to for me to wake up. As Aloe Blacc said, "All this time I was finding myself and I did't know I was lost."

Human beings are more than categories and labels. There is no box large enough to capture the complete essence of our being. The truth is we cannot be fully defined. We are - nothing more and nothing less.

While my culture, ethnicity, sexuality, gender and spirituality are all parts of me, I am more. I am love and a manifestation of a light that knows no restrictions. There is no one line that can lead me to the journey necessary for the unconditional development connected to my purpose.

5 Steps to Unlocking a Deeper Identity

1. Embrace the Concept of Atonement

You must recognize and take steps to repair the harm caused to yourself and others by assuming that it is your role to decide one’s gender and sexuality.

2. Seek Holistic Truth

Truth provides freedom and wholeness. You should take some time to get a well-rounded picture of the biological, scientific and objective information related to child development and identity development.

3. Let Your Imagination Guide You

Even after you have the truth, it will not aid in your knowledge of identity development if you don’t embrace the purest parts of your imagination. Imagine a world where you can name yourself anything.

4. No More Shrinking

I see you and it’s time to be as big as you can be. Often times your fear guides you down roads that have no benefit for you or others. Let love magnify your light beyond the shadows of fear.

5. Embrace the Power of the Now

There is so much peace to be gained even in the eye of the storm when you focus on the present of the presence. The beauty of the now can carry you back to you, second by second and breath-by-breath. Allow yourself to live in this one moment and let that propel you to true peace and happiness.

We, as a society, must remove the labels that hang above doors that force people to restrict their humanity for the sake of order or to appease the insecurities of the mainstream.

It’s time to normalize a world where all genders, races, cultures, sexualities and creeds must be welcomed everywhere all the time. We must choose equity of voice and humanity over the illusion of equality and its misguided safety. My queer and transgender family members have helped me to recognize the pain that have I endured by restricting who I was based on gender and sexuality binaries. While I am and have been straight my entire life, that doesn’t mean that straight is or should be the norm for men, women and more importantly, people. My longstanding insecurities deprived me of the opportunity to see, name and hold space for the purest parts of myself. As a result, I was drastically disconnected from seeing the purest parts of others. When I walked down that path I had no oxygen, hydration, food or sunlight, but it did offer isolation.

I have an immense amount of gratitude, pride and respect for my queer and transgender family because they gave me something bigger than straight air. They helped me unlock the door of an undefined me. The majestic strength interwoven in this community helped me see beyond my insecurities. A part of myself that has desired to fight for all parts of humanity. I am profoundly grateful that they helped me find pure oxygen. I see you, fully accept you, will stand with you and will be your co-conspirator in this intersectional fight for equity and justice. Remember that the dove symbolizes the beauty of every date and always amplifies love over hate. Until next time, peace and love Vulnerability Village.